Musings of Sterne

 I don't know what to write I don't know what I want to say, What I want you to hear The cat on my lap is warm Blood runs through her I hear her purrs I don't feel them I pick at my back, and it bleeds Tiny specks soak my top Red turns brown over time I watched video after video today Got maybe two tasks done Saw hundreds of women more beautiful than I Through a brick in my hand I didn't shower today Didn't wash my hair My friend hasn't I haven't spoken to my friend in a month I listen to the violin I start to read a book I shake off the cobwebs

Stay awake and keep moving Keep falling in love Keep getting your heart broken You have to trust me Keep crying Keep laughing Keep shaking You can't let this stop you Don't let it eat you whole Bare your teeth and ready your claws Scratch your way out Red and raw  Cry your way out Scream your way out Your muscles ache  And your teeth chatter Your blood keeps flowing Your heart keeps beating Get up.

 I blinked  And she left my side The way she seems to do every year The icy chill is in the air now Her cool overwhelmed By the marching of time Autumn my dearest, You leave me so quickly The dying leaves Fall to wipe the smile from my face I am melancholy Mourning before it's over Grieving before she's gone Just because I know she will Some people say November is still her Some people say it's something new It's the time I say goodbye The way you don't really want to see them before they go Because the memory of the body Hurts more than the memory of the soul To see them right before they go Hurts more than remembering the times before Don't watch me as I die Keep your head turned Don't feel my sunken cheeks Don't touch my frozen face Autumn, darling will I see you again soon? I already know the answer Still, I ask the question To hear her voice, the wind Have I wasted it Because I knew it would end Or because I thought it wouldn't?

The chill of night sweeps through me Raising the hairs on my arms Although I naturally curl in on myself The urge to peer above Overwhelms I see the stars I feel them in the day I know them in the night My eyes Glass  They burn and crack A sharp snapping that pierces my ears  The world weighs heavy against my sockets I tilt my chin again downwards Blood dribbles over my cheeks I splutter and wipe my lips Flesh ice cold Never warm enough to feel real Never human enough to feel there Ground me, blades of grass Plucked until my nailbeds turn green I cannot return you once picked Roll you up into a ball Discard and try again What do I want from your destruction? He loves me  He loves me not I will pick at anything To prove a point

Hi mum Yeah, I'm learning loads out here No, I'm probably not eating enough vegetables Yeah, maybe I am drinking too much Mum, I can't stop it all They keep hitting me The waves Water in my lungs Mum, if I asked Would you still rub sun cream into my back? Would you stop me from burning under the mildest of suns My red hair that intensifies the rays Would you run your fingers through it once more? Mum, another wave just hit There's saltwater stinging my eyes They're not tears mum, I promise Your girl won't cry Mum, can we go on a walk? You always loved them Always told me you loved them Now Mum, I can push your wheelchair Mum, can I come home, just for a night? I promise I'll be quiet I can listen this time Mum, I'll listen to you this time Mum, can I stay a little longer? Just a week or two My feet can't reach the bottom Mum, it's not coming back is it? She's not coming back? I'm not coming back I can't see the shore anymore I never w...